🏁 Hammer Time

🥇Max Verstappen [255]: Says the team made the “right calls” when managing the tire and strategy decisions that threw some other teams off last weekend. Down in P6 at one point, a fast last stint on the hard tire with good pit timing saw him fight back to P2, only 1.5s down to the winner Hamilton. Red Bull strategy + Max driving still delivering, in arguably the third best car at the moment.

🥈 Lando Norris [171]: An excerpt of the radio between him and his engineer talking tire strategy for the last stint. A big criticism of McLaren last weekend was they’re indecisiveness on tire strategy, when they should have all the data to make the correct call. The driver always has input.. but the team undoubtedly had a bad day.

🥉Charles Leclerc [150]: After another weekend to forget, says “I don’t even know what to say anymore.” It’s the third time in the last four races he’s been lapped. The Monaco curse continues… Ferrari needs to use this week off to fix their issues, or it’s more Sad Boy blues for Charles. Pain.

4️⃣ Carlos Sainz [146]: Thinks the team has lost “two or three months” of development after being forced to revert to the Imola specification for the British GP. Remember when Ferrari was Red Bull’s closest challenger like a month and half ago? Pain.

5️⃣ Oscar Piastri 📈 [124]: Got hung out to dry when McLaren opted not to double stack, but understands the call: “I think that decision in that race is probably the hardest call you're ever going to have in motor racing. You've got two cars, one-two, separated by half a second with rain coming down. I don't think it gets any harder than that.”

6️⃣ Sergio Perez 📉 [118]: Horner says Checo not scoring points is “unsustainable” after a “frustrating” weekend. Without Max, Red Bull would be looking like a midfield team right now…

7️⃣ George Russell [111]: “Really disappointing” Silverstone retirement after starting on pole. The good news George? The car is quick. And he showed great sportsmanship as he was the first one over to Lewis to congratulate him on the win ✨

8️⃣ Lewis Hamilton [110]: Very emotional on the radio after his long awaited 104th win, and saying afterwards: “There’s definitely been moments where…the thought that this was it, that that was never going to happen again, so to have this feeling coming across the line…Honestly, I’ve never cried coming from a win, it just came out of me. It’s a really, really great feeling and I’m very, very grateful for it.”

9️⃣ Fernando Alonso [45]: Happy with the “boost” for the team after a double points finish after a tough stretch of races. The team will bring upgrades to Hungary next weekend which will go a long way in determining how the rest of the season plays out for them.

🔟 Lance Stroll 📈 [23]: Believes the team “have an idea” of why the car is now feeling better. It’s seem unintuitive but these machines are so complex that the reasons for changes in performance can be so hard to pinpoint.

11. Nico Hulkenberg 📈 [22]: Thinks Haas can fight to be 5th fastest after another “very encouraging” P6. “The performance is there with this update, and that makes me very happy and optimistic looking into the remainder of the season”

12. Yuki Tsunoda 📉 [20]: Hoping that upcoming tracks will play more to their strengths: “So far I think that we had enough high-speed tracks – Hungary is a mix of low-speed [and] high-speed track, so hopefully we can use our strength to [be] back in the fight for the top-10.”

13. Daniel Ricciardo [11]: Thinks the team is at a “shifting point” in the season as they look to understand their upgrade situation. He’s keen on giving feedback that will help dictate what the car will look like later in the season.

14. Ollie Bearman [6]: If you listen closely, you can still here echoes of Crofy saying “Awlee Buhman” drifting through the ether…

15. Pierre Gasly [6]: Bad to worse: After a 50 place grid penalty for taking a brand new power unit, he was only able to complete the formation lap after a gearbox problem.

16. Kevin Magnussen [5]: Blames a poor last stint for failing to join the points party, and also thinks he “pitted one lap too early” while battling Albon earlier in the race.

17. Alex Albon 📈 [4]: Was happy with the pace and strategy calls all day and felt the best he has in awhile: “I had a lot of fun out there. The car was really good at the end there, one of the best it’s felt in a long, long time.”

18. Esteban Ocon 📉 [3]: Not riding high after the race despite the Haas contract announcement. Said the team made “every single wrong decision”, such as being on inters when it was too dry and slicks when it was too wet. Those that went inters in the early stages of the race really paid the price. Also: Rumor is he’s signed with Haas and an official announcement will come shortly.

19. Zhou Guanyu [0]: Gamble on inters early didn’t pay off, effectively deciding his race. “There’s still a lot of work in order to fight back in the points.”

20. Logan Sargeant 📈 [0]: Had his best result of the year with a P11 finish after a P12 in qualifying. “I was really quick today on the slick tyre. I’m happy with what we’ve done, I’m happy with the direction we went with the car – I think it was a good improvement.”

21. Valtteri Bottas 📉 [0]: Hoping for updates “sooner rather than later”, saying about the race “But, in any condition, we just didn’t have the pace today to challenge the cars in front.” Money, fame, all good, but it’s still gotta be demoralizing knowing you just don’t have a competitive car race in and race out.

Constructor’s Corner

🥇Red Bull [373]: How Liam Lawson’s testing for the team this week compares to Ricciardo’s opportunity last year. Good ‘ol Helmut Marko has suggested Checo could be out this year via a performance clause in his contract. I’d be surprised if it was Lawson.. but out of him, Yuki, and Danny… maybe?

🥈Ferrari [302]: TP Vassuer doesn’t think the respec back to their pre-upgrade car will derail the season, but admits understanding why they went wrong is difficult: “What is tough in this situation is you don't have tests, proper tests, to fix it or to at least understand it. It is very difficult as a team to compromise or sacrifice Friday sessions when you know you are losing time during the weekend and say 'ok, let's forget about FP1, FP2 and focus on the mid-term.”

🥉McLaren [295]: Zak Brown admits the team got the strategy wrong, saying “Both our drivers could have won.” Another blown opportunity. They should probably have 3 wins this year. They left Piastri out to dry for an extra lap when the track was no longer wet, had a slow pit stop for Lando, and made the wrong tire choice putting him on softs in the last stint when they should have known medium was better from Oscar’s pace on them. Brutal.

4️⃣ Mercedes [221]: Plans on a double upgrade in the next two races before the summer break. After years of getting no where with development, Toto Wolff says “Suddenly everything that didn't make sense made sense. And the results of the development directions are back like in the old days. We are finding performance, we're putting it on the car, and it translates into lap time.”

5️⃣ Aston Martin [68]: Hired former Ferrari technical chief Enrico Cardile to be their new CTO. Rumors continue to swirl that Aston is back in the running for Newey as well. Just imagine the size of the bag Papa Stroll is willing to throw at him.

6️⃣ VCARB [31]: TP Mekies: “It’s clear that the fast nature of this circuit has not suited our car particularly”, adding that they are no longer controlling the midfield. However, he noted it’s very much a development race, and things can change quickly. It is kinda crazy.. This year we’ve had Merc up, Ferrari down, Haas up, Aston down… who will shine in the second half?

7️⃣ Haas [27]: Rumor is Toyota is trying to make a return after a 15 year hiatus to F1 via partnership with the American-owned team.

8️⃣ Alpine [9]: After a difficult weekend, TP Famin took one good thing away: “One positive to come from today is our work in the pit-stops where we have made significant strides forwards.” Alright well that’s something?

9️⃣ Williams [4]: Vowles has hinted at a possible mid-season replacement for Sargeant after drawing a “line in the sand.” P11 was a great step, but is it too little too late for Logan? I’ll expect to see a decision next month during the summer break

🔟 Kick Sauber [0]: It’s all frowns down at the bottom. Team Rep Bravi: “This race confirms that we lack pace, and we were unfortunately not able to reach any of the targets we had set for ourselves before the weekend.” Bold prediction: P10 for Bottas in Hungary. They gotta get a point eventually, right?

Quick Question (My Answer)

9 times. Not too shabby. And yes, the answer choices were an intentional nod to the best number based joke of all time.